Introduction
We all have a need to feel in control of our lives. But when this need to control becomes overwhelming, it can lead to unhealthy behaviors that can damage relationships and cause stress. So how do we become less controlling? In this article, we’ll explore the definition of control and controlling behaviors, why people feel the need to be in control, and tips for managing this need.
Definition of Control and Controlling Behaviors
The dictionary defines control as “the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.” Controlling behavior is defined as “attempts to influence, dominate, and direct the thoughts, feelings, and behavior of another person.”
People who are controlling may try to manipulate others by guilt-tripping them, belittling them, or using other forms of emotional abuse. They often have difficulty trusting others and may feel like they need to be in charge of every situation. Controlling people may also be overly critical, possessive, and jealous.
Why Do People Feel the Need to Be in Control?
There are many reasons why people feel the need to be in control. According to Dr. Christine Webber, a psychotherapist, “It’s human nature to want some sort of control over our lives; it helps us to feel secure and safe.” The need to be in control can be triggered by fear, anger, insecurity, anxiety, and a desire for perfectionism.
For some people, the need to be in control can stem from childhood experiences. A study conducted by researchers at the University of California found that children who experienced neglect or abuse were more likely to display controlling behavior later in life. Other factors such as stress, trauma, or even cultural norms can also contribute to the need to be in control.
Identify Your Triggers
The first step to becoming less controlling is to identify the situations that trigger your need to be in control. It could be something as simple as feeling overwhelmed or anxious in a crowded room, or feeling frustrated when someone isn’t following your instructions. Once you identify your triggers, you can start to work on managing your reactions in those moments.
Communicate Clearly
When communicating with others, it’s important to remain calm and express yourself in a way that is clear, respectful, and open to discussion. Instead of trying to control the conversation, focus on understanding the other person’s point of view. If you find yourself getting angry or frustrated, take a few deep breaths and remember that it’s okay to disagree. Even if you don’t come to an agreement, you can still respect each other’s opinions.
Practice Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is key to managing your need to be in control. Take time to reflect on your behavior and consider how it affects others. Ask yourself questions such as: Why am I feeling the need to be in control right now? How can I express my feelings without being controlling? What can I do to make this situation better? Practicing self-awareness will help you become more aware of your own feelings and how they impact the people around you.
Take Timeouts
When you feel like you’re about to lose control, take a few deep breaths and step away from the situation if necessary. Taking a timeout can help you regain your composure and remind yourself that you don’t have to control every situation. It can also give you the space to think about how to handle the situation in a healthier way.
Seek Support
Talking to a trusted friend or family member about what you’re going through can be incredibly helpful. Ask them for help in managing your feelings and developing healthier coping strategies. You might also consider seeking professional help if needed.
Conclusion
Controlling behavior can be damaging to relationships and cause stress. To become less controlling, it’s important to identify your triggers, communicate clearly, practice self-awareness, take timeouts, and seek support. With patience and practice, you can learn to manage your need to be in control and create healthier relationships with the people in your life.
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